Let's talk amongst ourselves, shall we?

Teach your teen how to talk again

Feb 15, 2012 12:00 PM by Mary Fetzer

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Too much texting takes a toll on teens TALK MORE, TEXT LESS As kids communicate more and more via texting, they're losing the ability to talk face-to-face with real people. Parents can stop this trend. "We have to pull teens out of the cyber world and into the joys of interacting with other people face to face. If we do not, we risk sending them into adulthood bereft of the social skills they will need for a successful career and relationships." -- Kevin J. Roberts. As the author of Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap, Kevin J. Roberts speaks to parent groups across the country about how texting has affected communication among children. How texting falls short Research shows that conversation involves more than just words: 7 percent: the actual content of your message 38 percent: the tone of your voice 55 percent: body language "Effective communication requires all three of these components," says Roberts, "and a text message eliminates two of them." The result is miscommunication and a total breakdown of conversation. How texting impacts your child's writing skills >> Texting lacks empathy "For quick communications, such as 'I'll be home for dinner at six,' text messaging is great," says adolescent psychiatrist Sujatha Ramakrishna. "For maintaining relationships with other human beings, it pretty much stinks." "There's no way of knowing how the person on the other end is reacting." "If your daughter tells her friend that her shoes are hideous, and her friend starts crying, your daughter ends up feeling sad too," explains Dr. Ramakrishna. "Human beings naturally pick up on the feelings of others through facial expressions and body language. If someone else feels bad, we feel bad too. Through experiences like these, kids learn how to behave in ways that don't offend or upset others." But what happens when kids comment via text messages? "There's no way of knowing how the person on the other end is reacting," says Dr. Ramakrishna. "There's no incentive to stop hurting someone's feelings, and so the rude behavior continues. It's the reason that cyber-bullying is so common... and so damaging." Dr. Ramakrishna describes the "Dark Ages of Etiquette" >> Encourage real conversation The loss of regular language among our kids is a growing concern for Dr. John Duffy, clinical psychologist, parenting expert and author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens. "We will never be able to 'beat' the texting revolution, but we can control the way we communicate with and relate to our kids," says Dr. Duffy, who offers these communication tips: What Draw out discussions with them. How Ask genuine, curious, open-ended questions. Where At the dinner table, in the car or wherever you can acquire their undivided attention. And do your part. "We can't expect our kids to speak with clarity and maturity if we're using the LOL shorthand on a regular basis," says Dr. Duffy. What your child wants you to know about his cell phone >> Set an example Have you every shooed your child away while texting a friend? Your kids are taking note. Dr. Lisa Greenberg, a licensed psychologist who works with teens and parents, encourages parents to put away their own electronic devices when they're with family. "Kids tell me that they want to talk to their parents but feel like the parents are glued to their own texting and can't be pulled away," says Dr. Greenberg. TIP Save your texting for when the kids are in school or after they've gone to bed. Be available -- without distraction -- when they need to talk to you. What else parents should know about texting Cell phones options for kids Cell phone safety tips for kids, tweens and children The new teen relationships: Teens who text and date

How do I love thee, me?

How Do I Love Me? More Suggestions from Pros

posted by Daylle Deanna Schwartz | 12:01pm Monday January 23, 2012

Today is Day 23 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love.

I recently asked some experts how they show themselves love and included some in a post, to give you more ideas that you can use for yourself. Now I’ve got some more suggestions! I’m delighted to have some wonderful ones to share with you. By pampering your mind, body and spirit, you can build strong self-love, which is a magnet for loving things and people into your world. Here’s what they had to say:

Almost every morning I indulge in one fabulously sinful cappuccino creation involving whipped cream and—dare I confess?—a splash of Kahlua. Yes, this wicked indulgence often takes place prior to the sun rising; and yes, I understand if you don’t want me in your morning carpool now. But it’s a damn delicious way to start the day. Lisa McCourt, Unconditional love expert

In the shower, with nice smelling soap I pretend my hands are the hands of the best massage therapist in the whole universe for me. Then I lovingly soap up – especially paying attention to those places that I don’t like, or ignore (like my feet), or that are uncomfortable. I emerge feeling like a goddess. Katie Hawn, DC, Sleep Advocatewww.MagicNightsBook.com

I’m a morning person. I wake up early and get in exercise at least 5 days a week. I make sure that at least 2 of those days are a swimming workout (swimming is my all-time favourite activity). That’s my “me time.” I also have “splurged” on a couple of sprint triathlons in the last couple of years. They are expensive but give me a wonderful sense of accomplishment when I finish them. Finally, if I see a book that I would enjoy, I pick it up. Mariana Abeid-McDougall, BPHE, BA, BEd, CPT, CK, Owner, Personal Trainer, Achiever Fitness

One way I show myself love is by cooking healthy. It makes me happy and serene. When I was younger I was so frazzled that I never took the time to learn to cook and if I did cook something it definitely wasn’t healthy! So I’m loving myself and loving my body by taking care to use fresh, healthy ingredients in my home cooked food. Jayelle Hughes, author of Men Don’t Matter

Every Sunday evening, I take a hot epsom salt bath scented with essential oils then listen to the old radio shows (Dragnet, Gunsmoke, etc.) on the local NPR station until I drift off the sleep. Prior to doing this, I make a full pot of herbal tea and set aside a small plate of my favorite treats to enjoy after the bath. Brenda Coleman, Health & Wellness Coach

Once a week, usually on Sunday, I take a long bubble bath. Yes, bubbles. While there, I watch reality TV on my laptop (just set it on a stool a few feet away from the tub). Sometimes I paint my toe nails too. I just give myself some time to be alone and relaxed. When I can (usually once every few months), I go get a massage instead of taking my bubble bath. It’s like me-time and uber-me-time! Taking time to do nothing “productive” is actually one of the most productive things you can do for yourself! How can you be expected to do good productive work if you’re running on empty emotionally and physically? You can’t! So get yourself some emotional gas by taking some me-time. Laura C George, Business Coach for Creatives

Tuesday nights are my date nights with myself. I have my favorite food delivered. Light some aroma therapy candles and give myself a clay mask facial and read. Kenetia, Beauty Activist

I show myself love by honoring and taking care of myself. As a mom that can be very challenging, because the kids needs come first. Once a month, I take a spa day @ home. Having been in the industry for year so I know the tricks of the trade, my session includes a mud mask, mani/pedi; ends with a hot shower and Shea butter rub down. After all that I can’t help but feel recharged and ready to take on the world or at least another day. Thank you for your consideration. Sherrie Tennessee, MBA, Director of Education, Sherrie Tennessee Consulting

I make my living from my art, but for over a decade I rarely made time to create art just for me, to feed my own soul. Then earlier this year I started a practice of “playing in the Creative Sandbox” every day, making art, even for just 15 minutes. It doesn’t sound like much, but that one small act of love for myself has literally transformed my life! Those of us with a hunger to create absolutely need to feed that hunger — it’s the most loving thing we can do for ourselves. Melissa Dinwiddie – Artist, Inspirationalist, Creative Coach

I have 4 ways to show my self love each month.?1. I buy a new designer perfume not the fake kind I used to buy.?2. I get a facial.?3. I give something to charity knowing it is more blessed to give than to receive.?4. I buy a new jewelry item each month.?These are things that make me feel good and loved by me. Dana Rankin

One morning as I was brushing my teeth I noticed these words echoing in my mind, ‘you are so ugly, no one will ever really love you.’ As I continued brushing my teeth I thought, this is abuse and I am the abuser. So now when I see my reflection in the mirror I say aloud (allowed), “I Love You.” And since there are mirrors in my house, in my car visor and store windows reflect my image as well – I have many opportunities throughout the day to nourish self love. Susyn Reeve, Self Esteem Expert and author of The Inspired Life: Unleashing Your Mind’s Capacity for Joy and Choose Peace and Happiness

More an endorsement of life than love, I try to apply this exhortation on a daily basis: “If you do nothing else today, do something good for your body.” So I head to the gym first thing every morning. Dr. Marlene Caroselli, , keynoter, and corporate trainer and author of over 60 books, including Hiring and Firing, and Principled Persuasion, named a Director’s Choice by Doubleday Book Club

One of the ways I show myself love is by making myself a gourmet dinner. I buy fresh ingredients and an excellent bottle of wine. When I get home I put on some soft music and cook a delicious gourmet meal. Cooking is a great way for me to be present in the moment. It makes me slow down and focus on just one task, clearing my head of clutter. Then I enjoy my creation. Angela Betancour, PR Practitioner and writer @angiebetancourt

To show myself love, I study the Bible and apply its teachings to my life. Since the Bible was written by our Heavenly Father Yahweh God Almighty to guide us in living according to His will, and provide ageless principles, I can be assured that I’m living a life that’s worthwhile, purposeful, and fulfilling. Above all, reading the Bible and applying its lessons is how I can develop and maintain a sacred relationship with Yahweh and His Son Jesus Christ. Such a relationship is priceless, the gift of a lifetime, and it’s all mine!” Dr. Shirley Cheng, Gospel Proclaimer, Bible Teacher, and Founder of Ultra-Ability.com Ministry

Try some of these tips to say “I love Me!” The better you feel from showing yourself love, the stronger your self-love will become!
***************

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2011 HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

Read more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/2012/01/how-do-i-love-me-more-suggestions-from-pros.html#ixzz1kKIgxtFH

C' mon- get happy!

15 Tips to Boost Your Well-Being and Happiness

By MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S.

Taking better care of your body boosts yourwell-being fairly fast. “[Exercising and eating well] provide nearly instant benefits, helping the body and the mind to manage most any difficulties, including anxiety anddepression,” according to clinical psychologist and certified life coach John Duffy, PsyD. In fact, this is the first thing Duffy discusses with new therapy clients.

In addition to nourishing your body and participating in physical activities you enjoy, there are many other ways you can improve your mental health.

According to clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, Ph.D, “well-being is associated with balance, understanding, acceptance and constant growth.” Below you’ll find 15 ways to help you flourish and bolster your well-being.

1. Accept your emotions. “Some would argue that most of our physical, mental and relational problems come from our inability to adequately experience emotions,” Howes said. “We deny, bury, project, rationalize, medicate, drink away, smother in comfort food,sleep off, sweat out, suck (it) up and sweep under the rug our sadness, anger and fear.”

Some people spend more energy on avoiding their emotions than others do on actually feeling them, he said. So the key is to give yourself unconditional permission to feel your feelings. “When you feel safe enough to let your guard down, whether that’s alone or with someone you trust, you can focus on the situation, fully experience the feelings and may then be able to better understand why it hurts and what you want to do about the situation,” Howes said.

Writing about negative emotions also helps. According to clinical psychologist Darlene Mininni, research has shown that people who write about their deepest emotions are less depressed and more positive about life than before they started writing. To reap the benefits, it’s important to follow a few guidelines. Here’s Mininni’semotional writing guide.

2. Take daily risks. Structure and routine are important. But you also might get stuck in a rut. And that means you’re not growing, Howes said. Taking certain risks can be healthy and rewarding, he said.

“Challenge yourself to take a risk each day, whether it’s talking to someone new, asserting yourself, trusting someone, dancing, setting a tough workout goal or anything that pushes you out of your comfort zone.”

3. Live in the present. “Mental health tends to become challenged when we get sucked into what used to happen or what people ‘did to me’ rather than taking responsibility in what I am doing or creating today, right now,” according to psychotherapist Jeffrey Sumber. He encouraged readers to live in the present without hyperfocusing on the future or the past.

4. Be introspective. Avoid coasting through life without assessing yourself, Sumber said. For instance, he periodically asks himself questions such as “Am I in denial about anything or resisting anything anywhere in my life?”

Duffy also suggested stepping back and considering where your thoughts, feelings and behaviors are coming from. You might ask: Is that thought helpful? It that behavior necessary? Is there a better option?

5. Laugh. “Sometimes, we take life far too seriously,” Duffy said. Need proof? Duffy ran across information that revealed that kids laugh about 200 times per day; adults laugh an average of 15 times per day. He suggested everything from seeing a funny movie to playing games like Charades or Apples to Apples.

6. Determine and live your personal values. “[Your values] serve as an ‘inner GPS system’ that guides you through life, helping you make the right decisions and keeping you on track,” said Megan Walls, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP, a certified executive and life coach and owner ofConscious Connection. “Knowing and living your values will lead to a sense of balance, confidence and fulfillment.”

7. Identify and use your individual strengths. Using your strengths, Walls said, helps you feel energized and empowered. Not sure what your strengths are? Walls recommended Tom Rath’s StrengthsFinders 2.0, which features 34 strength themes and an assessment.

8. Keep tabs on your thoughts. Without even knowing it, you might be caught in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts, which seem to sprout naturally. Not only do these thoughts sink our mood but we also start to see them as truths.

Fortunately, we can work through these thoughts and see them for what they are: untrue and changeable. Walls suggested monitoring your thoughts and challenging and replacing negative ones. (Here arefour questions to ask to reduce automatic negative thoughts.)

9. Practice gratitude. “You’ll find you shift your overall outlook on life when you come form a perspective of gratitude,” Duffy said. He suggested readers make a list of three things they’re thankful for every morning.

Another idea is to recite at least 10 reasons why you’re grateful for your job, according to Master Certified life and career coach Kristin Taliaferro. “Look for unexpected surprises such as ‘my sunny office window’ or ‘cool work friends to have lunch with.’”

For inspiration, you might check out Living Life as a Thank You by Mary Beth Sammons and Nina Lesowitz. It’s filled with inspiring stories of gratitude, according to Duffy.

10. Discover or rediscover a passion. Take the time to consider your passions. For instance, Duffy’s wife recently tried painting, and found that she loves it and is really talented. “Without a doubt, it has done great things for her overall sense of well-being,” he said.

11. Do what makes you happy first thing. Sometimes it can feel like you’re going through your days on autopilot, and that can get tedious and depressing. Start your day off on a positive note by engaging in an enjoyable activity every morning.

One of Taliaferro’s clients started swimming at a YMCA pool in the a.m. She told Taliaferro that it’s completely shifted her outlook and lifted her mood.

12. Get rid of rotten eggs. “There’s usually at least one rotten egg in your life that’s dragging down your mental outlook,” Taliaferro said. For example, some of Taliaferro’s clients are especially affected by the news. One of her clients decided that if it’s not on the AOL homepage then she doesn’t need to know about it.

Identify your rotten eggs and figure out how to remove them. Your rotten eggs might seem small. But even annoyances can add up and chip away at your mood and well-being.

13. Surround yourself with positive scents and sounds. Our surroundings can affect our well-being. “You can create a positive feeling at home with lemon, peppermint or other essential oils you love,” Taliaferro said. She plays different kinds of music regularly depending on what she’s in the mood for.

14. Get inspired. Find inspiration in everything from subscribing to a daily quote (like this one) to listening to uplifting audio books on the way to work to reading magazines with exciting ideas, Taliaferro said. Duffy also suggested reading Inspiration by Wayne Dyer, which is one of his favorites.

15. Carve out time to meditate. “Protect a few minutes each day to sit, relax and breathe,” Duffy said. People tend to think that meditation is complicated. But you don’t need much time or effort to meditate, and it’s quite soothing. Try this super simple meditation

Signed first editions for your library

Wonderful Year-End Keepsakes December 2011 Some of the most cherished books on the Viva Editions list are available in author signed first editions. These signed firsts are available at no extra cost, but in limited quantities. To order a signed copy of one of the seven titles below, click on the book jacket to get to our on-line ordering page. In the final step of your order, after you've clicked the check-out button, the ordering page has a space for notes and special requests. Just indicate you'd like a signed first edition and one will be on its way to you. If there are two authors, the books will be signed by both. Thank you for supporting Viva Editions and stay tuned for an exciting new list of vivacious titles soon. THE VIVA EDITIONS FAMILY SEND YOU AND YOURS WISHES FOR PEACE, PROSPERITY AND THE HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS. More · Buy One and Only The Untold Story of On the Road by Gerald Nicosia & Anne Marie Santos Lu Anne Henderson is the woman with whom Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady took the journey that became On the Road, one of the defining books of the twentieth century.Foremost Beat historian Gerald Nicosia teamed up Lu Anne’s daughter Anne Marie Santos to tell the revealing story of this enigmatic woman for the first time. The release of the movie of On The Road is scheduled for Cannes, with Kristen Stewart playing Lu Anne’s character. The material in ONE AND ONLY was her primer for the role. Read it and you’ll have the inside story too. The Lazy Gourmet Magnificent Meals Made Easy by Robin Donovan & Juliana Gallin Anyone who dreams of dazzling friends and loved ones with fabulous home-cooked fare,especially cooks short on time, patience, skill or experience, will be thrilled with this collection of125 elegant, party-worthy recipes created from readily available ingredients, with common kitchen appliances and basic techniques. These deceptively easy dishes will allow anyone to prepare delightfully simple, surprisingly delicious and sophisticated dishes certain to impress. More · Buy Wordcatcher An Odyssey into the World of Weird and Wonderful Words by Phil Cousineau The world’s preeminent mythology scholar explores the meaning and mystery of marvelous words in this ripsniptious compendium called “a must read” by NPR’s Susan Stamberg. “Stake out a claim next to the standard dictionary you use for this less pedantic companion. It contains fewer words but sends up Fourth of July skyrockets on all of them.”—Huston Smith, author ofThe World's Religions More · Buy for self improvement and personal renewal Susyn Reeve and Joan Breiner’s The Inspired Life: Unleashing Your Mind's Capacity for Joy is a powerful guide to overcoming personal obstacles to fulfillment and joy. In Change Your Life! A Little Book of Big Ideas, Allen Klein, master of the right quote at the right moment, presents moving and meaningful sayings from sages all around the world that will rouse you to live life to its fullest potential. Co-authors Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons have created two wonderful books to help incorporate gratitude into one's life, transform fear into courage, anger into forgiveness, and isolation into belonging. Living Life as a Thank You: The Transformative Power of Daily Gratitude and The Courage Companion: How to Live Life with True Power

Last Minute DIY Holiday Tips

If you're like some of us in the Cleis/ Viva Editions office and the holidays seemed to have arrived far too quickly, you're probably scrambling right now to add some instant holiday cheer to your place before the friends and family show up. Here are some tips, adapted from Billee Sharp's Fix It, Make It, Grow It, Bake It: The D.I.Y. Guide to the Good Life:

• Still haven't planned out what you'll serve or bring to the Hanukkah festivities? Try Sharp's simple recipe for this Festival of Lights classic:

  Latke s (Potato Pancake s)
  6 large potatoes (unpeeled)
  1 onion
  3 eggs
  1/3 cup flour
  ¾ cup vegetable oil
  salt and pepper, to taste. Grate potatoes and onion in a colander and press out excess water. In a bowl,
  combine potato and onion with eggs, flour, salt, and pepper.
  Heat ½ cup of vegetable oil in a skillet over medium heat. When the oil is
  hot, add tablespoon-size dollops of the pancake mixture. Cook on one side for
  5 minutes, or until golden, then flip and fry the other side. Remove the latkes from the skillet and drain them on brown paper bags or kitchen towels. Add more oil to the pan as you need it to fry all your pancakes.
  Serve with applesauce and sour cream.

• Has the idea of dragging out all the Christmas decorations delayed your purchase of a tree this year? Both an inexpensive way to adorn a Christmas tree and a great project to keep little ones occupied while clean or cook, give homemade tree ornaments-- like the delicious idea below-- a try

  To fill in the gaps we make chains by stringing popped corn and fresh cranberries together. Use a large sewing needle with a strong thread and alternate between popcorn and berries.
  Making tiny parcels to hang on the tree can look really nice, too. Just find a
  little box and wrap it in scrap wrapping paper or tissue paper, add a little ribbon or glitter, and suspend it on a loop of string. I wrap up candies in little boxes so that the kids can unwrap them and eat the contents. These are cheaper and more exciting to unwrap than shop-bought, foil-wrapped chocolates. I also
  make gingerbread men, baked with a small hole punched out of the forehead so
  that they can be hung on the tree. Decorated with a little icing, these decorations look great, and they generally get eaten before they go stale.

• And, of course, if you're hosting a party this year, it's nice to have something for your guests to do other than eat all of your decorations. Why not have play a game? The "Pass the Parcel" Game is kid-friendly, and described here as for a child's birthday party, but if you are hosting a a game for grown-ups or if there are no young children, you can certainly make the questions harder, challenges cheekier, and the prizes within more--ahem!-- "adult". To make it even more festive, play a master mix of your favorite holiday music for the passing part.
  

  Pass the Parcel—My kids love this game. Prepare by wrapping
  up a small prize to start the parcel with, then wrap it
  with additional layers of paper. Write a series of questions or
  instructions and include one in each layer that you wrap. I try to make sure that the questions are engaging but not harrowing, and always age appropriate: try “Can you name five fruits?” or “Sing ‘Humpty-Dumpty.’ ” Playing the game: Have the children sit in a circle and pass the parcel around while the music
  is playing. When the music stops, the child holding the parcel gets to unwrap a layer and answer the question.

  
  

Know any helicopter parents? Here is helpful advice!

TECHNOLOGY: PARENTS TAKE CONTROL

Taking Charge of Technology

Strategies for Your Family

by Diana Simeon

When I was a teenager, our telephone hung on a wall in the kitchen. When I was on the phone, my parents knew it. And when I talked for too long, ignoring homework or staying up past my bedtime, they knew that too—and more often than not yelled at me to “Hang up!”

How times have changed.

These days, with devices that range from cell phones to computers—and increasingly a single device that does it all–teenagers have round-the-clock access to, well, everyone and everything: texting, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, email, friends, foes, strangers and much, much more.

And, let’s face it: we parents often have no idea what our teenagers are up to. These devices are not hanging on our kitchen walls. Teenagers can take them wherever they want—and they do, even to bed (a big no, no according to this issue’s Q&A with Dr. Andrew Sloan of Cleveland’s University Hospitals).

Of course, there are upsides to all this. Thanks to cell phones, we can reach our teenagers when we need to and, more importantly, they can reach us.

But, experts warn that there are pitfalls too. Spending too much time online can mean missing out on sleep or neglecting schoolwork. Social media and teenagers can be a volatile mix. And teenagers sometimes make poor decisions with technology—such as texting while driving or sexting—that can have dire consequences.

There’s no doubt that managing our teenagers’ use of technology can feel overwhelming. But it shouldn’t, say the experts and parents whom Your Teeninterviewed for this month’s issue.

“This is no different than anything else we have to manage for our teenagers,” stresses Dr. Georgette Constantinou, a pediatric psychologist at Akron General Hospital.

The Big Picture

Teenagers love all kinds of technology, but they love their cell phones the best. According to research from the Pew Internet and American Life Project, more than 75 percent of teenagers have cell phones (which is more than have computers).

What are they doing with them? Well, it will come as no surprise to any parent of a teenager that they’re texting. On average, teenagers send 50 text messages a day—or 1,500 a month—according to the Pew Project, though about 30 percent (and growing) of teenagers are sending upwards of 100 texts a day.

Many teenagers are also accessing the Internet on their phones (about 35 percent, according to Pew), yet, the majority of them still use computers to go online.

However, experts note that we are at a convergence point in communications technology: what once required several devices to accomplish is now distilled into one single gadget that fits in our pocket. Smart phones–which offer all the capabilities of a cell phone, plus the ability to access the Internet– are becoming increasingly popular with teenagers. Walk into a Verizon, Sprint or any other cell-phone provider’s store and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a phone that doesn’t allow for a “data plan” to access the Internet through your phone. Devices like the iPod Touch similarly allow teenagers to text, make calls (yes, there’s an app for that) and access the Internet from anyplace with Wi-Fi.

But, what is perhaps most startling is just how much of the day teenagers are using technology, in one form or another. The Pew Project found that more than 90 percent of teenagers go online several times a day; studies also show that the amount of time teenagers spend using technology is upwards of several hours a day, when all devices are taken into account.

This is cause for concern, Constantinou says. “Technology is overwhelming our teenagers’ lives. We need to ask: ‘Are we giving our teenagers time to bereal?’”

The Lure of Technology

When Nicole Klinkhamer moved in with her fiancé and his two teenage daughters late last year, she knew that it wouldn’t always be smooth sailing. The Chicago-area native anticipated the inevitable challenges of being a stepmother to two teenagers. But, she never thought that technology would stand in the way of getting to know, much less bond, with her soon-to-be stepdaughters.

“We’re a blended house, and we’re trying to learn how to deal with each other. I’m not kidding when I say the cell phone is sometimes standing in the middle of a lot of conversation,” she says. “The phone rules the roost.”

It’s a situation to which many parents can relate. Indeed, technology can be a source of conflict in many households, in part because so many teenagers struggle with tuning it out.

“Teenagers have an intense desire to know what’s going on, and these gadgets offer constant access to that,” explains John Duffy, a clinical psychologist in La Grange, Illinois, and author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism For Raising Tweens and Teens.

Like texting, Facebook and other social networking services—including Twitter, which is increasingly popular with teens—can also be habit-forming. Research shows that teenagers spend, on average, 90 minutes each day updating their accounts.

5 Tips for Parents

So, what’s a parent to do? Well, start by accepting that all of this is here to stay, Duffy says. “Recognize this is important to them. It’s not just to get under your skin. It means something to them.”

Then, make it your goal to ensure that your teenager has a healthy relationship with technology. Easier said than done? Perhaps. But here are five strategies to get you started:

#1: Model Moderation.
Research shows that the No. 1 impact on our children’s behavior is our own behavior. So, parents that are unable to disconnect from their gadgets—and if you regularly check your phone at the dinner table or during the school play, this means you—cannot expect their teenagers to do otherwise.

“It is the unwise parent that sits there staring at a little screen and telling their kids, ‘Okay, enough screen time.’ That is really poor modeling and kids are far more likely to follow the model than follow the word,” Duffy explains. “I get it myself. If a text comes in while I’m talking to my son, my impulse is to pick up the phone. And it takes a lot to say, ‘No, be present in this moment.’ But, it’s important.”

#2: Don’t Rush In.
What tween or younger teen has not lobbied their parent to get a smart phone or other hot gadget (Hello, iPad)?

But, experts caution that parents should not rush in. Though they’re often marketed as such, these devices are not toys—and it’s important to wait until your child is mature enough to use them responsibly.

This is especially true when it comes to smart phones, which allow users to access to the entire Internet. “I don’t know why younger users need to have any Internet on their phone,” says Tracy Rush, an Austin, Texas mom, who moderates a message board at iVillage.com where she regularly hears from parents grappling with their children’s technology use.

Duffy agrees. “Eleven- and 12-year-olds don’t get the power of the tool and can get themselves into real trouble.” He advises that parents wait until at least high school to introduce a smart phone, while tweens and younger teens should make do with a more basic phone.

#3: It’s Your House; Set Rules.
The best way to help teenagers manage their use of technology—and to reduce the chance that technology will be a source of conflict—is to set rules for technology use in your house.

And just like establishing rules for driving or curfew or anything else, parents need to make those rules clear—and use consequences to enforce them.

“If you institute it as a house rule, then it’s a house rule,” Constantinou explains. “If it’s, ‘No texting while we’re talking,” then there’s no texting while we’re talking. If it’s, ‘Don’t let your grades suffer,’ then if the grades suffer, the phone goes. Technology is a privilege, not a right.”

That’s how Rush handles it with her own 16-year-old daughter. “It is a privilege, no different than being able to play sports or go to a friend’s house or anything else. You have to follow the rules of the household, and if you are breaking the rules, you get privileges taken away,” she says.

Some house rules, such as no phones at the dinner table, may be hard and fast for as long as your teenager is under your roof. But parents should expect that others will change over time, such as increasing time on the computer for older teenagers.

“Once your kids get older, you have to show some degree of flexibility,” Duffy says.

Other areas to consider: no technology after 8 p.m. or 9 p.m.; no computers in the bedroom (recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics); no taking phones or other communication devices to bed; at social gatherings, your teenager’s guests leave their phones at the door (to limit “drama,” Duffy says); limits on how long teenagers can use their devices each day; limits on the number of texts your teenagers can send and receive each month; and, of course, no using the phone while driving.

Last, but not least, expect your teenager to follow basic rules of etiquette. “If you are going to use it as a means of communication, then set the same expectation of manners and grace for Facebook and the phone as you would for everywhere else,” Constantinou recommends. (See Top 13 for more on etiquette.)

#4: Monitor, But Don’t Snoop.
Make it your job to have some idea what your teenagers are doing with their devices. But, be upfront about it, the experts advise.

“I run into parents who don’t want their kids to know that they are monitoring them, so they find themselves snooping and then snooping becomes the issue, and the parent doesn’t have a leg to stand on in terms of the actual issue at hand,” Duffy says.

Stress to your teenagers that your expectation is that they will not do anything online or by text that they wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with you. Friend them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and tell them that if you feel it’s necessary, you will spot-check their texts or email. Tread carefully. You can lurk, but resist commenting on your teenager’s status updates. If you feel you need to talk to your teenager about their online behavior, take it offline.

Your goal: To ensure that your teens’ overall lack of experience—and occasional impulsivity—doesn’t land them in trouble. Take sexting, which can include sending explicit pictures via text message. Being in possession of a nude picture of a minor—even if it’s your teenager’s long-time girlfriend—is against the law. Yet, teenagers continue to sext.

Facebook is another area where adolescents can stumble. Thoughtless status updates cause problems, not just with friends, but also at school, where administrators say they are increasingly dealing with the fall-out from social networking.

“It’s very impersonal. Students feel more comfortable saying things on Facebook that they wouldn’t normally say to a person’s face,” says Kelly Anderson, a counselor at Shaker Heights Middle School in Shaker Heights, Ohio. “It causes a lot of problems on Monday mornings.”

This fall, the school sent a letter home to parents, asking them to monitor their children’s Facebook accounts.

Perhaps the best reason to have some clue about what your teenager is doing online is that there is a possibility—remote, but real—that your child will encounter a predator.

“I know of a seventh grader who had a Facebook account on his phone and was about an hour away from meeting a 19-year-old sexual offender in the bathroom of a local mall, when his parents took a look and stopped him,” Duffy says. “This was a complete shock. This is a very responsible kid, but he just had no idea to whom he was talking.”

#5: Embrace What Your Teenagers Love.

Though, at times, it can feel that technology causes more problems in our homes than anything else, it also offers a tremendous opportunity to connect with our teenagers during what can be turbulent years in any parent-child relationship.

Take texting. “When I see parents who are willing to connect with their kids in this way, those relationships tend to go much more smoothly,” Duffy says. “Even if it’s just, ‘I love you,’ or, ‘Hey how is your day going?’ it’s a great touchstone from parent to child.”

And, while of course, we need to keep talking offline, sometimes a simple, “I luv u 2,” from your teenager speaks volumes.