Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What really matters, helping people.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27, 2010

Dear Readers,
I have to admit, it is 7 pm and I still have several things to do on my to-do list here at work. So, I was feeling a little sorry for myself (the nearest coffee shop is closed!) and I received this google alert on our book Living Life as a Thank You. Suddenly, I am reminded WHY I do this kind of work -to help people. I am gratified and moved that Nina and Mary Beth's book is so profoundly helpful to people. Here is a good reminder of life and what really matters:

Quick Takes: Debbie Thomas

Today I'm introducing one of the new features for "Women With Cancer" -- Quick Takes -- a question and answer column that I'll run twice a month. I learn so much and am constantly inspired by hearing other women's stories and know you will be, too. Let me know what you think!

When friends ask me where or how I met Debbie Thomas, 44, of Hampton Falls, New Hampshire, I have to stop and think. It seems like she’s been a part of my life for a long time -- that's the kind of bond we share -- but the truth is I met her last summer. My introduction came through the thoughts expressed from her blog, simply titled “Debbie’s Cancer Blog” (http://debbiescancerblog.blogspot.com/) and her incredible story. From there, our correspondence continued on Twitter, to email and talking on the phone as we can. She was diagnosed in 2006, and I’ll ask her to tell you the rest.

Since we met through words let’s start there. What do you think of blogging? I like blogging. For me it’s an extension of journaling, which I do a fair amount of. Blogging was a way for me to tell my story. It’s great that we can all share our stories with like minded souls.

Last fall, when your treatment ended, you wrote that your body was “getting ready for a break, but my mind was just getting started.” Can you tell us some more about what you were going through? When treatment ended it was great for my body. If I’d been asked to do any more physically my body might have broken down. During treatment, my mind was in a state of 'rest'. I could only focus on one day at a time. As soon as treatment ended I started chewing mentally on the reality of cancer and everything I went through. I started to accept that this was really happening to me and that it was scary as hell. For the most part my mind went straight to the negatives. Without the constant treadmill of treatment there was time on my hands, and time to consider what might happen next. And it was very hard for me to not travel down the 'recurrence' path. Then when it DID happen I was right back in shock and despair again. I have to say that going through it twice may have led me finally to a different place completely.

Please tell us what happened. How soon after did you find out your cancer recurred and how? Recovering from treatment after my cancer had metastasized brought me to a different place. I still had the struggles similar to the first recovery – the exhaustion, depression, anxiety, and side effects of medication. But after my first treatment I was terrified that the cancer would come back. So when it did my worst nightmare had happened. But when you then live through your worst nightmare and manage to come out stronger you feel like you have come to a new place. You’re not as scared anymore.
My recurrence happened about nine months after I finished treatment the first time. This treatment included a left breast mastectomy, four months of chemo, seven weeks of radiation and a year of Herceptin. I was having some pain in my left shoulder blade, which is the side I had my breast cancer on. The pain was a deep sort of pain and unusual for me. It came and went. I was running and lifting weights and doing yoga so I thought (was hoping) I had hurt myself. But when I met with my surgeon in January, two years post mastectomy, she suggested a bone scan. The bone scan showed something tiny in one vertebra so she suggested a PET Scan. This scan along with a blood test confirmed one small cancerous spot on the left side of my first thoracic vertebra.

Another striking statement to me was your observation that “there is a fine line between kicking cancer’s butt and allowing yourself to recover.” I’d love to hear more about that. When I wrote this I was considering the line between getting back to life after treatment while allowing for the time and space needed to recover from the ordeal you’ve just experienced. I was mostly talking about the physical aspects but I think it applies to mental and psychological or emotional aspects as well. I wanted to return to my 'normal' routine or working, raising my daughter, taking care of the house, the dog, volunteering …friend ...I wanted to do it all again just like I had before cancer but found that I couldn't. I would often get frustrated about that. But you also don't want to close yourself off and baby yourself too much. This leads to isolation, deeper depression and physical atrophy.
So how do you walk the line between taking your life back and perhaps even pushing yourself to new lengths (like running a half-marathon) versus those times when you really need to go to bed early and take the every elusive "time-for-yourself"? It is a challenge every day to find the balance.

You and Nick work together, live together and are raising a wonderful daughter. What’s your secret? Wow, that's a good question! We have our ups and downs just like any couple. But we do work well together. We complement each other. I am pretty laid back and Nick is pretty driven, but luckily we don't drive each other crazy with these opposite ways….most of the time (laughing). We take turns a lot and we talk about EVERYTHING. If you're not defensive and can really listen to each other you can usually find a way to work through issues that arise. Going through cancer made us closer, made us appreciate each other more and see sides of each other we hadn't focused on before. It has also made us grow as individuals and learn new things about ourselves, which in turn has made us a stronger couple.

You work with images all day long. Have you done any projects that resonate with you about breast cancer? Did you photograph your story? All of our work is commercial/corporate photography, so I never have really worked on anything related to breast cancer. The interesting thing was to work during treatment. I went to a few portfolio showings bald but wearing a hat. In retrospect it wasn't probably the best business move. Some people asked me what was up, others said nothing and I never knew if I should broach the subject. I did not photograph my story but I wish I had. I have a few pictures of me bald and if I can manage to scan them I will send a couple. I find them fascinating to look at. In one picture I am standing with my arm around my Mom in our kitchen and we are both smiling. When I showed that picture to my therapist a while back she asked me what I think when I look at that picture and I said I wonder why I am smiling! I think it would have been too painful for Nick to truly photograph me as we struggled through it all, some days were so difficult.
What books and magazines are on your reading table? I just finished "Living Life as a Thank You: The Transformative Power of Daily Gratitude" by Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons. Everyone should run out immediately and buy this book. It changed my life. I am now reading "My Life in France" by Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme. I also have "Become a Better You" by Joel Osteen. His writing has helped to renew my faith and to remind me to act in faith, love and hope. I also read "Runner's World" and "Budget Travel".

You’re a daughter. Wife. Mother. Businesswoman. Runner. Blogger. Friend. And now you’re a metastatic breast cancer survivor. How weird is that? So very weird! Even though it has been three years and two diagnoses I sometimes STILL can't believe it has happened to me. Sometimes I have a hard time reconciling that! Every morning after my shower I rub lotion on the flat, scared, tanned left side of my chest where my breast used to be. It is an obvious, physical reminder of what I have been through. And of course I “know” I have been through it but sometimes I still haven't accepted it. And maybe in some ways it is good. I focus on all the other aspects of my life -- work, family, running, writing, social networking -- there’s no room for cancer. Or cancer is a small part among the many other parts of my life.

That’s understandable. Three years isn’t that long over the course of a life. You’ve written about therapy. From my vantage point it has helped you pass through some enormous hurdles fairly quickly. And the clue is: pass through, not over. Is that a fair statement? I don’t at all want to diminish your courage, which I find inspiring. I highly recommend therapy to anyone going through a traumatic experience. I wish I had started sooner. I waited until I was pretty deep in depression after my first round of treatment before I finally went. I was lucky to find a great therapist and she has really helped me to go through the tough times. She gives me "homework' which often involves journaling, meditating, saying mantras or affirmations, and exercising. She is a runner too so it is cool to share that interest with her. It has been so helpful to have that objective person who is trained to help, but she is not so objective that she can't shed a little tear when I told her the cancer was back and then again when I told her I ran 6 miles for the first time and was training to run a half-marathon. The plain truth is I would not be where I am emotionally right now if I wasn't going to therapy with this woman.

We all agree: mastectomy bras are worse than Buster Brown cotton underpants. Please explain to our friends who have had a mastectomy how you got your “vavoom” back with your Victoria’s Secret Bras? Oh yeah, the "Granny Bra.” I really just couldn't stand them. They're too large, too boring and too uncomfortable. And it’s impossible to wear anything even remotely low-cut because the bra would show. I was used to wearing a low-profile, simple cotton underwire bra from Victoria's Secret. They were comfy and colorful and had matching undies. So my sister-in-law, who is also a breast cancer survivor, told me about some sew-in pockets that she bought and then sewed into her regular bras. I bought some and my Mom sewed them into all my favorite Victoria Secret bras. So now I can wear the comfy, colorful bras I have always worn! I can wear a low cut shirt and feel a little sexy, something that is sometimes hard to accomplish when you are missing a breast.

Sometimes, but not always. Let’s see: what was the last romantic thing Nick has done for you? A couple days ago he was taking Benny for a walk and he called me to tell me to look out the window. It was an amazing sunset and he wanted to share it with me. He knew I would want to see it. And to me that is romantic!

Is there anything I haven’t asked you that you’d talk about? Each person’s cancer journey is unique. But we can find commonalities in our stories. And ultimately these commonalities can be a source of comfort in a time of despair and fear. I remember feeling so isolated and lost after my diagnosis and treatment. It seems a long time ago, but I was an outsider in my own skin. I used to think it came from outside me, from other people, but now I think at least half of it came from inside me. But with counseling, the love and support of my family and friends, and some new friends in the cancer community (both survivors and advocates) I have been able to feel more at home in my skin than ever before. It is all about re-adjustment.
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Monday, January 25, 2010

Take Good Care of Yourself!

Save The Ta-Ta's ... And Your Ticker

February is Heart Health Month. Self-care expert BJ Gallagher offers five simple ways to enhance women’s heart health … while having fun, too.

It’s not what you’re eating – it’s what’s eating you.

Los Angeles (Vocus/PRWEB ) January 25, 2010 -- Every year, over 40,000 American women die from breast cancer … and another 267,000 die from heart attacks. You don’t want to be one of them!

News Image

February is Heart Health Month. Self-care expert BJ Gallagher offers five simple ways to enhance women’s heart health … while having fun, too!

1. Jimmy Choo is not your friend. Neither are Dolce and Gabbana or Manolo Blahnik. Get some comfy shoes you can walk in – and an uplifting jogging bra and a cute outfit – then get moving! Start where you are … 5 minutes … 10 or 20 minutes … or 60 minutes. Time doesn’t matter – just do it.

2. It’s not what you’re eating – it’s what’s eating you. Those extra pounds you’re carrying are as much emotional baggage and physical. Deal with resentments then move on; resolve unfinished business; take care of old issues. Try journaling; work with a therapist; move beyond those toxic feelings. It’s the only way you’ll stop eating over emotional problems.

3. Laughter is inner jogging. It releases feel-good endorphins. Go for the guffaw or the giggle or the grin. Spend time with people who make you laugh. Rent and watch funny movies (with air-popped popcorn, of course). Watch hysterical YouTube clips. Go to the zoo and visit the monkeys.

4. Hug your dog or cat – often. Research has shown that stroking your pet’s fur is good for you – it actually lowers blood pressure better than ACE inhibitor drugs! So cuddle, stroke, pet and play with your furry, four-legged friend every chance you get. Who knows? It might even be good for the dogs and cats, too!

5. Call a friend. Research out of UCLA tells us that the old “fight or flight” response to stress is based on studies of men. Women respond very differently to stress – by “tending and befriending.” When the going gets tough, call a girlfriend for a good heart to heart … literally

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Handling Hard Times

Fortunately, basics like keeping a good attitude and maintaining a healthy work/life balance can go a long way toward improving a worker's sense of well-being. That might not get you a raise or immediate promotion, but you might feel a lot better when you walk through the office door each day.

Here are five ways to make your job better in the new year:

Keep Busy, Keep Connected

Although the economy shows more signs of healing, many workers don't feel secure. It's pretty hard to feel upbeat, especially with analysts predicting what they call a jobless recovery, one in which employers are making few hires. But there are some antidotes to uncertainty: Find ways to make your work situation and performance better, and stay connected with a variety of business contacts.

Leigh Branham, owner of the human resources consulting firm Keeping The People Inc. in Overland Park, Kan., says workers need to be proactive to improve their standing at work. He recommends writing an individual development plan that spells out how you can improve your job. Then start implementing it.

For example, write down some ways you can deal with a bigger workload more efficiently or make your work more creative.

You should also jot down ways to help your department or company run better, and then discuss those ideas with your boss.

"Keep your antennae out" for unmet needs at the organization, Branham said. "Think like an entrepreneur."

Branham also recommends "keeping your network warm" by setting up meetings with business associates and developing relationships with new contacts. Socializing will keep your spirits up, and some of your connections may end up helping you in your work.

"The tendency is to keep your head down (when you're not happy at work), but that breeds solitariness. People need to fight that and get out and network - both inside and outside the company," he said.

Buck Up That Attitude

Having a good attitude, even if you often feel you have to drag yourself into work every day, is critical.

BJ Gallagher, a workplace consultant and author of "It's Never Too Late to Be What You Might Have Been," says that trying to see the best in your situation will not only make your work life better, it will relieve stress and allow you to open up to new opportunities. It will help you come up with the ideas you need to impress your bosses.

Gallagher suggests asking, "How can I make this work for me rather than against me?"

"I would encourage everyone to think like a cat," Gallagher said. "You've got to find the ability to flip in mid air and land on your feet."

And remember the old saying, "negativity breeds negativity." It's true - if you have a negativite attitude, your job situation is inevitably going to seem unhappy and miserable.

Beware Overload

Because layoffs have left fewer people doing the same amount of work, many employees have much more work than they can comfortably or even competently do.

"Some people are burning themselves out right now," Branham said.

But some are contributing to their own misery, he said, explaining that "a lot of people are overburdening themselves with extra work - a lot of people are becoming martyrs."

Although the extra work is not always avoidable, Branham said it's important to tell your boss if you feel that you have more than you can handle.

Make the case that this is not a sustainable workload, while reiterating your desire to help out in such tough times. Although there is a risk that your boss might not be sympathetic, a talk like this can at least open up communication.

And watch for signs that work is becoming all-consuming, Branham said. Make time for outside activities and spend time with family and friends to get your life back into balance.

Advertising Yourself

It's more important than ever to showcase your hard work these days, but be careful not to hinder yourself in the process, Gallagher said.

"An old boss said to me, 'If you're work speaks for yourself, don't interrupt,' " she said.

Find ways to make the boss to notice your work like forwarding compliments from customers, or alert your managers to projects you've completed.

Being proactive and coming up with ideas for making the workplace better, or for new products or services, is an excellent way to show off your expertise and ambition.

Focus On Here And Now

Many disgruntled workers are telling themselves, "when the economy gets better, I'm outta here! I'll get a better job and quit!" And that's where their energy is directed, or, perhaps more accurately, misdirected.

Focusing on doing your best at your work is one of the most concrete ways you can alter an unhappy office situation, Branham said.

Many people look to move outside the company when something is awry, but Branham said that often can cause more trouble in the current job. And working harder, and better, in your job now, may make a bad situation easier.

"Don't be looking to move so much that you're taking the eye off the ball at your current job," he said.

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Year, New Career Wisdom from BJ Gallagher!

Your Career: New Year Know-How

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: January 4, 2010

Filed at 6:47 p.m. ET

NEW YORK (AP) -- At the start of a new year, many people hope to see some positive changes in their jobs. Given the struggles at many companies, workers may need to make those changes happen themselves.

Here are five ways to make your job better in the new year:

KEEP BUSY, AND KEEP CONNECTED

For example, write down some ways you can deal with a bigger workload more efficiently or make your work more creative.

You should also jot down ways to help your department or company run better, and then discuss those ideas with your boss.

''Keep your antennae out'' for unmet needs at the organization, Branham said. ''Think like an entrepreneur.''

Branham also recommends ''keeping your network warm'' by setting up meetings with business associates and developing relationships with new contacts. Socializing will keep your spirits up, and some of your connections may end up helping you in your work.

''The tendency is to keep your head down (when you're not happy at work), but that breeds solitariness. People need to fight that and get out and network -- both inside and outside the company,'' he said.

BUCK UP THAT ATTITUDE

Having a good attitude, even if you often feel you have to drag yourself into work every day, is critical.

BJ Gallagher, a workplace consultant and author of ''It's Never Too Late to Be What You Might Have Been,'' says that trying to see the best in your situation will not only make your work life better, it will relieve stress and allow you to open up to new opportunities. It will help you come up with the ideas you need to impress your bosses.

Gallagher suggests asking, ''How can I make this work for me rather than against me?''

''I would encourage everyone to think like a cat,'' Gallagher said. ''You've got to find the ability to flip in mid air and land on your feet.''

And remember the old saying, ''negativity breeds negativity.'' It's true -- if you have a negativite attitude, your job situation is inevitably going to seem unhappy and miserable.

WATCH OUT FOR OVERLOAD

Because layoffs have left fewer people doing the same amount of work, many employees have much more work than they can comfortably or even competently do.

''Some people are burning themselves out right now,'' Branham said.

But some are contributing to their own misery, he said, explaining that ''a lot of people are overburdening themselves with extra work -- a lot of people are becoming martyrs.''