Viva Editions are books that inform, enlighten, and entertain. The very name, "Viva!", is celebratory. And while Viva Editions is a line of books that are as fun as they are informational, the intention behind Viva is very serious—these are books that are truly helpful and intended to enhance people's lives.
Teenagers. Just the thought of your sweet baby
becoming one of those moody, rebellious, distant creatures can be terrifying. But it doesn’t have to be. Dr. John Duffy’s The Available Parent shows readers how
they can begin to enjoy a healthy, satisfying, exciting new kind of
relationship with their teenagers.
Take a look:
They look so different, don’t they, than they
did when they were younger? Many of those soft, gentle, rounded features of
childhood have been replaced with angles, edges, muscle, height, and hair. As
preteens and teenagers, they seem pointier somehow. The face that for years
wore a perpetual smile now carries something heavier in the brow, something
more thoughtful or sullen. You fear loneliness or depression has befallen them.
And the way they look, that’s just a part of it, isn’t it? They act differently,
more self-conscious, moody, unpredictable, and concerned. Definitely less
joyful. And then there’s the way they relate to you. What happened there? Your
life together to date has been nearly blissful in comparison, filled with fun
and laughter, learning and sharing.
That sharing part, that really seems missing
today. They really don’t seem to want to talk with you or share with you at
all. They seem distant and avoidant. Their bedroom is a vault, filled with secrets
and answers you no longer feel privy to. You find yourself in the paradoxical
position of grieving the loss of someone very much alive, someone you hear
snoring, talking on the phone, or tromping to the bathroom upstairs. You feel
evermore powerless and afraid. All their lives, you have heard and read about
the horrors of adolescence, but always felt that your family would somehow get
a pass. But here you are. Yet you know, deep in your heart, that it doesn’t
have to be this way.
You are right.
If any of this resonates with you, you are
right. Even if it has been this way for years, even if the same dynamic played
out in your relationships with your parents, and their relationships with their
parents, you are right. It does not have to be this way. I am writing this book
because I have seen families change. I have been fortunate in my work to
witness teenagers and parents reconnecting, doing so in healthy ways, ways that
set the stage for growth all around. Yes, parenting an adolescent can be
difficult at times, but
I know that with the right tools, and a
dramatically different way of perceiving these years, you can recapture your
bearings and find the joy again.
Now, I’m not sure why we as a culture feel
the need to hold tight to the dread of adolescence. Perhaps we find some
comfort in the idea that everybody feels this way about teenagers, so it
must be true. Maybe it provides us with an excuse when things go wrong—“Well,
like the books say, she’s crazy. What can I do?” Either way, I think a
change in point of view, in which we see our teenagers as the extraordinary
individuals that they are, will make parenting them far less daunting and far
more enjoyable. For everybody.
All you mommies
and mommies-to-be with a passion for—or minuscule interest in—writing will love
Kate Hopper’s Use Your Words. This writing guide for mothers allows
you the opportunity to grow as a writer, chapter-by-chapter, and leads you
through the process of turning your motherhood story into art.
Here’s a little
taste of what’s inside:
Reading about
other mothers’ lives and experiences has expanded my world. To be able to walk
in someone else’s shoes, whether it’s for a moment or an hour or a few days, is
an incredible gift. I have gained insight into parenting and the human
experience.
The stories
I’ve read and listened to have ranged from light and funny to heartbreaking,
and there is room for all of these stories as a part of motherhood literature.
In the
introduction to their anthology Mothers: Twenty Stories of Contemporary
Motherhood, Kathleen Hirsch and Katrina Kenison write, “It takes courage to
write about motherhood in a culture that sets women with children on the
sidelines, and it takes even greater courage to give voice to the powerful
emotions and fears that swirl deep beneath the surface of our daily lives,
informing and shaping our relationships with our children and the world at
large.”
We all have
stories to tell. Whether we tell these stories is another question. It does
take courage to write about motherhood, to explore writing about our children
and our roles as mothers, to “give voice to the emotions and fears that swirl
deep beneath the surface” of our daily lives.
I hope this
book will help give you the courage to get your mother stories down on paper.
How often have you said, “Use your words!” to your children? How often have you
heard other parents utter that phrase? Now it’s your turn. I designed
this book to help guide you on your journey as a mother writer and help you
find the most effective way to tell the stories you need to tell.
So here’s the thing you should know. Two things, really:
1) I hate writing guides. 2) I hate anything expressly marketed for mothers.
I have my dumb reasons. They’re all coated in a sloppy lacquer of cranky generalization. I hate writing guides because they’re all smug and clever and bossy and fancy people with fancy titles always endorse them and OH BY THE WAY I AM STILL WAITING FOR TINA FEY TO ENDORSE MY OWN AS-YET IMAGINARY BOOK AND CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY IT’S TAKING SO LONG.
I hate mama marketing because motherhood isn’t exactly a “niche,” if you ask me. It’s freaking humanity, people. Plus I’ve watched the rise and subsequent cultural backlash against “mommy bloggers” and “mom writers” over the past ten years, the pooh-poohing of accounts of the creation and care and feeding and nurturing of the HUMAN RACE. I’ve witnessed the yucky icky monetization of the genre (if we even must call it a genre) and the withering of soul in writers who, yes, happen to be mothers.
I AM CONFLICTED AND TERRIBLY JADED, is what I am saying, Readers.
So when a literary marketing agent contacted me about featuring the book “Use Your Words: A Writing Guide for Mothers” on my blog as part of the author’s online book tour, I was skeptical.
Kate and I overlapped for a few years in the 90s at Grinnell College in Iowa, where she was the roommate of my future sis-in-law. I remember Kate as a startling beautiful redhead, delicate and quick and funny, hard to pin down. She was complicated and smart and sometimes sad, quietly struggling. She made sense to me, though I didn’t know her well. I would only come to understand later that I was drawn to her because her soul’s particular challenges dovetailed with mine.
She left Grinnell to find another way, a better way for her. We reconnected a few years ago, and I was shocked and sorry to hear that she, too, had nearly lost her first baby, Stella, and her own life from preeclampsia. Her birth story was eerily similar to mine, and had stunned and shaken her to her core as well.
No one imagines preeclampsia when they concoct a “birth plan.” The pall it cast over my early days as a mother to Sophie was devastating. I sunk into a mire of depression. This is not how it was supposed to be, I remember repeating to myself, over and over, as I learned to care for my 4-lb. newborn.
Like Kate, I tried to find words to express the difficult beginning of my daughter’s life and this new life of mine, forever changed by motherhood. The words didn’t come easy. With motherhood, there’s the sense that it’s all already been said—far better—by someone else. The inspiration is there, but the encouragement and the energy and the time are harder to come by.
Like I said, Kate left Grinnell to find a better way, a better path. And, my God, has she ever found it. “Use Your Words: A Writing Guide for Mothers” has plenty of celeb accolades (Tina Fey, you missed out on this one, get in on the second printing), and they are well deserved. Here’s one that explains Kate’s book perfectly:
“Part writing workshop, part anthology, part mothers’ group between two covers, ‘Use Your Words’ is a readable, powerful call to the page for every woman in the process of giving birth to herself as a writer.” —Katrina Kenison, author of “The Gift of an Ordinary Day” An award-winning writer and teacher, Kate has managed to create a book about writing for mothers—something I thought I was allergic to—that is both original and utterly inspiring. No smug-smug. No cloying crap. This is a book for writers and mothers and anyone who’s ever had a mother: which is to say, anyone.
Or perhaps I should say: anyone who cares or dares to remember, aloud or on a page, where humanity begins, where soul starts.
Kate dares to remember her own motherhood. She dares you, gently, to own your own words, to realize that you are the only one who can tell your story. Using pieces of her own story as well as perfectly chosen excerpts from assorted mother-writers, Kate has crafted a rare book that calls you to action as a writer and mother and, yes, WITNESS of your own life, of the lives around you.
The writing prompts are simple, powerful and compelling. I found myself engaged, completely, in the prose. I’d been stuck for months, my own writing stale and frustrating. A week with Kate’s book and I’d filled a notebook of my own. Her words loosened something in me, as a writer and a mama. I’m grateful for her, and grateful for her courage to document her own amazing path in life.
So get inspired. Your story? Guess what: it matters. And “Use Your Words: A Writing Guide for Mothers” will get it out of you and on the page. No kidding. Pick it up. Start anywhere, if that’s less scary. Pick a prompt, and go.
Here’s one. Respond to the following writing prompt from “Use Your Words” TODAY, May 30th, in 600 words or less, and email your submission to me at breedemandweep@gmail.com. Yeah, really. Now. Move it. Stop thinking so much. You tweet all the damn time. Do you know how SHORT 600 words and less is? If your submission wins, you’ll get a FREE COPY of “Use Your Words” and will be considered for (DRUMROLLLLLLL) THE GRAND PRIZE:
At the end of her bloggy book tour, Kate Hopper will choose the best piece for publication on Literary Mama (oooooooh!) for the first week of June, and Kate will also award the winning writer with a FREE hour-long phone consultation.
Double dog dare you.
Motherhood Models Take a few minutes and describe your mother. If you didn’t have a mother growing up, did someone else play a mothering role in your life? Describe her. Maybe you didn’t feel you had a “good” mother and maybe you didn’t know anyone who fit this description. So what would a “good” mother look like? How did/does this ideal affect your own parenting? How have you parented your own child the same or differently?
Oh my God, Jenn. I’m sitting here at my desk, crying. How did you not only capture the book but also me so completely in this post? Thank you for your words, for your writing, and for just being you, dammit!
Jenn, I tried, but mine wound up being 1300 words – and I’m not even a mother yet! I guess I have more to say about my mom than I realized. I’ll work on trimming it down. 600, huh.
What a great post! I haven’t bought the book yet because I’m still hoping to see you at Bluestockings, Kate… but this makes me wish I had a copy to read right now!
Thank you, Jenn, for writing such a beautiful post.
It’s happened to many of us. Dinnertime, and you’re itching to try some fancy, exotic new recipe to bring out the foodie in you and your spouse. But your kids are refusing to put anything in their mouths that’s not macaroni and cheese. So who wins? Break out the Kraft; this battle was over before it began.
It happens to me, too. Contrary to popular belief, cookbook authors do not make fabulous, home-cooked, gourmet meals every single night. I try to prepare a “proper” dinner for my family several nights a week, but being the parent of a toddler can make it difficult to move away from boring staples: store-bought chicken sausages, simple roasted chicken, pasta with pesto (possibly my son’s favorite food). Kids are picky eaters by definition, so cooking for them while still maintaining your personal culinary standards can be tough.
What I love to do is to find dishes that are familiar enough that my son is willing to try them, but interesting enough to provide him- and us- with varied taste experiences. That’s why I would recommend this recipe to anyone in a similar situation. It has familiar textures and flavors that appeal to kids (pasta! tomatoes!) but has the sophistication and healthiness that appeal to adults.
Roasting the cauliflower with red onions and garlic brings out the sweet, earthy flavors, and the buttery toasted breadcrumbs add a welcome crunch. Prep is a breeze—you can prepare the rest of the dish while the vegetables are in the oven. Breadcrumbs can be toasted ahead and stored, in an airtight container, in the fridge or freezer. When ready to use, let sit out on the counter until warmed to room temperature. Also, feel free to use another pasta shape- rotelle, orechiette, or small shells would work well- if your supermarket doesn’t carry gemelli.
Photo by Andres Ramirez. Reproductions of this photograph must be accompanied by attribution.
Gemelli with Roasted Cauliflower, Tomatoes and Crispy Breadcrumbs
From www.twolazygourmets.com and The Lazy Gourmet: Magnificent Meals Made Easy by Robin Donovan and Juliana Gallin (Viva Editions, 2011)
1 head cauliflower (about 11/2 pounds florets), cut into small pieces
1 small red onion, thinly sliced
2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
2–3 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2–1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3/4 pound gemelli or other pasta
cups (about ounces) sourdough bread cubes
tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes, drained (reserve juice)
1/4 cup capers, drained
1/4–1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
freshly grated parmesan cheese for serving
Preheat oven to 450°f.
In a baking dish, toss cauliflower, onion, and garlic with olive oil, coating vegetables thoroughly. Season with salt and pepper, and roast in preheated oven for 35 to 45 minutes, stirring once about halfway through, until cauliflower is tender and beginning to brown.
While the vegetables are in the oven, heat a large pot of salted water (large enough to hold all ingredients) over high heat and cook pasta according to the instructions on the package.
Whirl bread in a food processor to make crumbs, pulsing, until the largest pieces are roughly the size of peas. Heat a large, heavy skillet over medium-high heat and add butter. When butter is melted and bubbling, add the breadcrumbs and cook, stirring frequently, until crispy, about 8 to 10 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside.
When pasta is cooked, drain and return to the pot on the stove. Add roasted vegetables, tomatoes, capers, and crushed red pepper and cook over medium heat, stirring, until just heated through. If the mixture looks too dry, add a bit of the reserved tomato juice. Stir until well combined. Serve in pasta bowls topped with breadcrumbs and generously garnished with cheese.
Serves 6 to 8.
Robin Donovan is the coauthor with Juliana Gallin of The Lazy Gourmet: Magnificent Meals Made Easy, and is also the author if Campfire Cuisine: Gourmet Recipes for the Great Outdoors. She is a San Francisco-based freelance journalist, book author, blogger, and editor specializing in food, cooking, travel, and other lifestyle topics. Her food writing has appeared in Fitness, San Jose Mercury News, San Francisco Chronicle, and many other publications. For more receipts from Robin and Julianna visit twolazygourmets.com and follow Robin on Twitter.
review & giveaway - the lazy gourmet cookbook Wednesday, July 6, 2011
As most of you might know...I love to cook! I have tried everything from easy recipes that you can make in minutes to very advanced recipes that take all day to create. The fact is that I love food...I love to prepare it, cook it, serve it and eat it. The Lazy Gourmet is a wonderful recipe book that offers gourmet style cooking in a fraction of the time.
I was so excited that The Lazy Gourmet had a recipe for Chicken Mole. I happen to love Mole and have only eaten twice in my life, but, my husband hates it. This recipe literally took me about 15 minutes of prep time and about 55 minutes of cooking time. It was extremely easy to prepare and was super delicious. My husband even said..."now this is good Mole!" The chicken was moist and easy to cut through. The sauce was rich and mildly spicy ...very comforting.
But, the cookbook just keeps getting better! They have recipes for Spicy Crab Cakes (as pictured below) and Sweet Peach Crostini and Top Sirloin with Charmoula on a bed of Arugula. The cook book offers recipes from appetizers, main courses to desserts. This will definitely be a recipe book that I will use over and over again throughout the years.
ABOUT THE LAZY GOURMET (from their website): The Lazy Gourmet: Magnificent Meals Made Easy is a hip, fun, and useful guide for anyone who dreams of dazzling guests with fabulous home-cooked fare, but fears that such a feat would require Thomas Keller’s talent, Martha Stewart’s ingenuity, Gandhi’s patience, and Charles Manson’s free time. With more than 125 delightfully simple, yet surprisingly sophisticated recipes, The Lazy Gourmet conquers the misguided belief that preparing an elegant meal requires spending hours—or days—in the kitchen.
Best friends who met in college and bonded over the dinner table, Robin Donovan and Juliana Gallin are creative cooks whose motto is “Cooking a great meal can be just as easy as cooking a crappy meal!” They developed this collection of recipes that anyone— even those short on time, patience, skill, or experience —can prepare with ease. And these aren’t your typical “quick fix” dishes, but sophisticated meals designed to impress, such as:
We’ve reached the second stop on our very exciting virtual book tour: Nikki Gardner’s gorgeous Art & Lemons blog. In Nikki’s own words, Art & Lemons is “about art, food, and story. I feature contemporary art and artists (especially photography), original vegetarian recipes made with whole and natural ingredients, and the stories that tie it all together.” Nikki’s Cauliflower with Brown Butter and Lemonsis irresistibly alluring—and these innocent-looking s’mores-esque Retro Grahams are screaming out for our attention. (You got it, little guys!)
Today Nikki shares a memory from her college days that fills us with nostalgia for smoky lounges, ’80s tunes, and the hearty and delicious vegetarian meals of our own collegiate lives. Visit Art & Lemons today to read about the May Birthday Celebration Dinner she’s planning, including our lemon vinaigrette and pasta with asparagus, leeks, and chevre recipes. While you’re there, take a few minutes to marvel at Nikki’s truly gorgeous food photography, and check out her featured artists, short stories, and, not to be missed, her The Lazy Gourmet giveaway.
Your Turn: Games to Foster Better Sibling Relationships
Create a Winning Match Through Play
Promoting healthy interaction through game play can help sow the seeds of positive sibling relationships for years to come. (photo: Ableimages/Digital Vision/Getty Images)
If children aren't taught to share, it will cause them to feel resentment, cheated and even controlled by siblings.
— Dr. Jane Greer, family therapist and author of "What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship"
squabble over toys or a disagreement about house rules may seem pretty typical between a brother and sister. However, when the arguing escalates and disrupts home life for the entire family, it may indicate that sibling rivalry is rearing its ugly head.
According to New York-based Jane Greer, Ed.D., a nationally known marriage and family therapist and author of "What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship," when children aren't taught to share, it results in severe sibling rivalry.
"The minute you have to share, the challenge is on," Greer said. "If children aren't taught to share, it will cause them to feel resentment, cheated and even controlled by siblings."
Teaching your children to share may at times seem daunting. But creative play and activities that foster relationship-building can lead siblings away from screaming matches and rants of "That's not fair" to a lifelong friendship where they understand each other's likes and dislikes.
"The goal is to foster a sense of cooperative team spirit, teamwork and fun that comes from sharing fairly," Greer said.
Getting to the Bottom of Sibling Rivalry
Before you can get your kids to play together nicely and share, you have to understand the root of any sibling rivalry that may exist between them.
Early theories suggest that sibling rivalry occurs as a result of pecking order or a struggle of power positions within the family, said Dr. John Duffy, a Chicago-area clinical psychologist and author of "The Available Parent: Radical Optimism in Raising Teens and Tweens."
"Siblings work against one another to gain the favor, or at the very least the attention, of the parents," Duffy said. "More recent work, known as the 'attention is attention' theory, focuses on gaining the attention of the parents in any way possible, even through negative behaviors."
In essence, one child may be taking a position of power by lashing out physically or verbally at her brother or sister just to capture mom or dad's attention.
The root of sibling rivalry is competition for the love of mom and dad, said Barbara Chamberlin, a Connecticut-based family therapist and family coach.
"A certain amount of bickering between siblings is normal and to be expected. However, hate and contempt among siblings is toxic and leaves lifelong scars," said Chamberlin, the mother of two teenage boys. "Children must believe that parental love is not a zero-sum game."
Chamberlin said that when her sons were younger, competition would sometimes fuel arguments and aggression. She would immediately end the game to send the message that this behavior was not acceptable.
"Because of our calm and consistent response as parents, the boys remained friends through the growing pains, and no lasting resentment built," Chamberlin said. "Now, after a game, it is not uncommon for me to hear them say 'Awesome saves, Tom' or 'Great score, Jeff' in the car on the way home."
Parents also can instill the belief that a parent's love is equal for each child by modeling respectable behavior, Chamberlin said.
"Husbands and wives must speak to one another with respect and their children will do the same."
Setting Limits for Siblings
Sibling squabbles often stem from each child's need for privacy and independence. It's important for parents to establish clear limits to avoid fostering negative sibling rivalry further.
According to Dr. John Duffy, a clinical psychologist in Chicago, setting boundaries with your children will help strengthen sibling relationships and respect.
"Personal space is critical, especially as children grow toward the teen years," Duffy said. "Parents must provide an atmosphere that honors such space and clear guidelines involving ownership and borrowing of property as well."
If Sammy wants quiet time in her room, yet her younger brother, Jake, won't stop barging in with his toy trucks, it's time for parents to intervene before her irritation escalates into hostile frustration.
Family therapist Dr. Jane Greer suggests that parents take a proactive approach with sibling boundaries. "Parents can approach a teen and say, 'It is our observation that your needs are changing. Do you have thoughts on what you need to make it work for both you and for your brothers and sisters?' "
A discussion with the other siblings may also open the door to better understanding among sisters and brothers, Greer said. "Parents can simply say, 'Your sister is older and she needs personal space. This is what you, too, will have when you are her age.' "
Parents should also acknowledge each child's feelings while reinforcing that the family should respect one another's needs, Greer said.
"Learning to share and battle selfishness starts in childhood," she said. "If parents can address it directly, they will be equipping their children with tools they will need for the rest of their lives."
Creative Ways to Improve Relationships
One of the best ways to mitigate negative sibling rivalry is to foster a family culture of friendly play.
"Children who are friends tend to play together and occupy one another's time, but they are also far less likely to be mean-spirited toward one another," Duffy said.
Establishing a routine of family and sibling game time not only encourages your children to play together but also helps family members get to know one another's likes and dislikes.
Duffy suggests creating a good-natured trivia game. Have each child brainstorm details about family vacations, humorous incidents, personality traits and holiday traditions to use as a basis for the game.
"Families tend to love this, and it is a great way to get them engaged, connected and learning more about one another in an enjoyable pursuit," Duffy said.
Sometimes, it takes getting a little dirty to clean up the mess sibling rivalry may have created. Duffy said that some of his best childhood memories stem from his family's participation in "letterboxing," a type of treasure hunt that guides families through a set of clues hidden in public spaces and national parks. Families worldwide hide small boxes in public places and distribute clues by word of mouth or on websites, such as Letterboxing.org, for other families to find.
"The journey is the fun part. As a group, a family may need to use a compass, decipher a poem, test their knowledge of anything from geography to history to math, and so on," Duffy said. "I have found that even the most embittered siblings, used to lying on couches playing video games, lose themselves in the joy and playfulness of this activity."
The key to this activity is that the competition does not encourage individual winners, a factor that often fuels sibling rivalry.
"The family wins as a group, and the exercise is always cooperative," Duffy said. "This is by far the most effective way I've found to foster familial camaraderie and mitigate sibling rivalry."
Games to foster friendships among siblings should also appeal to the varying interests of the family, said Erica Curtis, a family therapist in Santa Monica, California.
"A simple project like cutting out magazine pictures to make a collage about things you like to do outside can help lay the groundwork for learning more about each other and identifying fun activities they may both enjoy," Curtis said. "Collages also level the playing field. Everyone can do it."
Getting to the Heart of Friendship
Encouraging your kids to use their imaginations and playact also can help improve the sibling bond as well as help them make and keep friendships with their peers.
Sibling relationships often revolve around certain roles, Curtis said. Sammy may be the bossy, older sister while Jake is the shy, passive child.
"It is important for children to have the opportunity to practice different roles so that the 'bossy child' gets to practice not being so bossy and the 'passive child' gets to try out being more assertive," Curtis said.
Moviemaking allows children the opportunity to do just that. With a portable video camera, they can take turns directing a scene or acting out a scenario.
"This game helps kids learn how to think creatively and remain open to ideas, even when they don't agree with their sibling," Curtis said.
Parents can also encourage games that tackle communication barriers. Charades and Pictionary teach children how to interact with limited communication while incorporating art and improv into their daily routine.
"This forces children to learn how to pay attention to nonverbal signals from their siblings, teaches turn-taking and encourages working together," Curtis said.
While playing games with siblings, children are learning about boundaries and limits for all friendships, said Dr. Laura JJ Dessauer, certified art therapist.
"Children practice with siblings because it is a safe way to test limits and boundaries without the threats and implications of being 'banished' from a peer group," Dessauer said. "They are testing boundaries and limits, often within the safety of relationships where they feel comfortable."
Games allow for more opportunity for children to explore, build and create together as siblings and friends, Dessauer said.
"Promoting self-awareness and learning about each other is essentially linked to social flexibility, understanding, cooperation, compromise and communication -- all ingredients on how to be a friend."
1Kate Hopper May 30, 2012 at 9:24 am
2Sara May 30, 2012 at 6:26 pm
3kristen May 30, 2012 at 7:01 pm
