Excerpt of the Day: "Every Day Love" by Judy Ford

Falling in love: easy

Sustaining love: well, it’d be easier to complete a triathlon ten times over.

We long for love.  It’s a universal want.  But for some of us, sustaining love is difficult.  Counselor and author Judy Ford’s Every Day Love can help.  Filled with stories and experiences that are often overlooked as insignificant, this book sheds light on how to avoid pitfalls and celebrate the differences between yourself and your love.

Take a peek:

Not Easy Being a Sweetheart

You’ve probably experienced how your sweetheart can bring out the best in you and the worst in you? In the morning, sharing the paper, sipping coffee, making pancakes for the kiddies, looking forward to the evening out together—content and optimistic—all is right with the world. Your kids are smart and cute, your husband’s smart and cute, and you’re feeling on the smart and cute side yourself. In those smart and cute moments your heart swells up so big that you think it might burst.

Later it’s a whole new scenario. The kids make sandwiches, spill ketchup on the floor, leave crumbs on the counter. Your husband decides to remodel the bathroom. You’re glad to get the project started but secretly question his timing. Proud for showing restraint and not wanting to stir up trouble, you squelch your observations. But two hours before you’re scheduled to go out he’s still tearing down a wall and removing the sink.

“We have reservations across town,” you say. “Aren’t you going to get ready?”

He doesn’t respond.

“Are you going to get ready?” you ask a little louder. Still, no answer. To get his attention, you call his name. Firmly.

“What?” he answers.

“Why do you always do this?”

“Do what?”

“Why do you squeeze everything in at the last minute?”

“I thought you wanted me to remodel the bathroom.”

“Not when we have plans,” you snap.

“What’s your problem?” he snaps back. “There’s plenty of time.”

Next thing you know, you’re crying and slamming the door. “Geez,” you hear him mutter as he steps into the shower.

After all I do for you, you’re thinking. Later he confesses what he was thinking: I can never do anything right.

Without even knowing there are triggers, triggers get triggered. Buttons get pushed. Feelings get bruised. You hate to admit it but you’re hard on your sweetheart and hard on yourself. You know it’s impossible to get it right every time, but you want to. You expect to do better, you fail, you beat yourself up, you try again. You’re tired and cranky and when your sweetheart asks what’s wrong, you know you should be happy that he noticed, but his tone sounds more like criticism than concern.

“Nothing,” you snap.

“I was just asking,” he snaps.

Suddenly you’re embroiled in a snapping match.

You’d like to reach out, kiss and make up, but instead you walk on eggshells for a while. It’s hard. It hurts. It’s very confusing.

“I’m sorry,” you say.

You both mean it. You promise not to act that way again. You love your sweetheart, yet life around the home doesn’t always go in the direction intended.

It is not easy to be a person. It is not easy to be a sweetheart. A lover. A partner. A spouse. A friend. A parent. A child. A companion. A confidante. Much is expected, so many surprises. That smart, cute side we’re so proud of is not the only side. It seems there are multiple sides—our public side, our private side, and the secret side only our sweetheart knows.